JordOn Hudson, The Real Miss America

A 49-year age gap and high fashion draws outrage from affluent men everywhere.

It’s hard to believe JordOn Hudson came in third place at the Miss Maine pageant just a month ago, closing out her journey as a competitive beauty queen. At 24 years old, this was her last year of eligibility. But how could JordOn Hudson lose a crown when she is so clearly is the epitome of current culture?

JordOn is not just a beauty queen with convincing Pisces eyes, she is the girlfriend of legendary football coach Bill Belichick. And yes, her name is spelled JordOn. I asked her and she told me.

Despite only having learned of our beauty queen due to her headline-grabbing relationship with Belichick, something about the look in JordOn’s best headshots tells me everything I need to know. She has innate power and that’s not her fault.

With a 48 year age gap and a net worth of a cool $70 million, Bill Belichick isn’t just reminiscing on past success, he’s manifesting more.

From my scientific research of the study of timeless masculinity, the journey of a well-rounded man almost always requires a courtship with a woman who doesn’t just set the table, but can move the wind with her mind.

The type of woman all of his friends hate and stare at with one eye of concern, the other of jealousy. This type of woman is physically superior, bypassing both genetics and luck to achieve something far more ethereal.

Hudson brings us icons past. The millennial revival of Anna Nicole Smith and Lisa Simpson’s worst enemy.

In a world where influence beats legacy, and a perfect selfie outshines a Super Bowl ring, JordOn’s rise isn’t a fluke based soley on her proximity to Bill. She represents a generation where power is aesthetic, an authentic following, an endearing story, a relatable come up.

Men everywhere seethe in concern that Bill is being taken for a ride, but I would like to argue: Isn’t that the point?

While people may perceive the six-time Super Bowl winning coach as completely unraveled, my research on his fashion reveals a different type of timeline. In 2020, Sports Illustrated reported on a disheveled Belichick, noting his repeating outfits, unkept hair, and torn clothes. A pandemic Bill is proof that JordOn didn’t create this his new chapter, she is merely a product of his deepest desires. Could it be that the idea of 2020-death was the wake up call Belichick needed? Maybe he wondered, Am I gonna die only ever having mid-level p*ssy?

These are the things men worry about.

WHO IS BILL

Before meeting JordOn Hudson, Bill Belichick had already cemented his legacy as one of the greatest coaches in football history. Born in 1952 in Tennessee and raised in Annapolis, Maryland, Bill was influenced by his father, Steve Belichick, a respected Naval Academy coach. Bill’s lifelong obsession with football strategy started early and shaped his every move. His coaching career began in the 1970s, eventually leading him to head coaching roles with the Cleveland Browns and, most famously, the New England Patriots.

With the Patriots, Belichick forged a dynasty alongside Tom Brady, winning six Super Bowls and navigating such tragedies as Deflate Gate.

Tom Brady on trial: The portrait of a deflated face.

Belichick’s time with the team also included Aaron Hernandez’s rise and eventual fall, a tragic reminder of the complexities within professional sports and hyper-masculinity. Off the field, Belichick was married to Debby Clarke for 29 years, which ended in divorce in 2006.

For decades, Belichick kept his personal life as impenetrable as Patriots defense. His relationship with Linda Holliday, while public, never bled into his professional image the way his love with Hudson does.

MAGIC GIRLIE DOGES RUMORS

Since going public with their love, their 48‑year age gap has drawn significant media scrutiny, amplified during Belichick’s frenzied April interview on CBS. Hudson interrupted a question about their history, defending her boyfriend on camera and off, prompting widespread accusations that she’s “controlling.”

Hudson, a self-described entrepreneur and former college cheerleader, has carefully built a brand that blends intellect, humble seaside wisdom, and influencing mega power. The fact that JordOn is shaping press narratives around Belichick is no accident, it’s practice. She’s a pageant professional and those girls are drilled for PR posture. Don’t be mad at her for knowing the rule book, be mad at yourself for not.

Prude audiences salivate at the idea that Belichick and Hudson are trying to cover up the truth of how they met. This generation’s trending concept, of course, the conspiracy that they met while yachting. Is JordOn Hudson a yacht girl at the behest of Belichick’s cash? Maybe? So what!

Hudson and Belichick maintain the hazy lore that the two met on a flight, she was reading a book. He recognized the title, and signed her copy.

However- Let me just say- If an industry as mysterious as “yacht girls” does exist, it would only be because of demand. It must work. Romantic coupling on high net worth levels exist in ways that make Tinder look like left over garbage. (lol) Are you worried about Bill or can you just not afford your own charter?

Bill Belichick’s new book has been released, The Art of Winning.

“Thank you to my idea mill and creative muse, Jordon Hudson.” Belichick writes in the forward of his new book. It’s a romantic ode that daydreams are made of. To be the muse and inspiration of an intuitive man is not a job for just any woman.

Belichick’s new chapter with JordOn is parallel with his new era as the head football coach at University of North Carolina. A prestigious southern college where gossip roars through loafers and Lily Pulitzer.

Echoing sentiments that Hudson is controlling a man in control have lit the internet on fire with leaked emails showing Hudson advising UNC staff on media angles, supervising social posts, and getting CC’d in communications. Despite the evidence, UNC clarified Hudson is not banned and remains welcome on campus. Some internal staff, including UNC general manager Mike Lombardi and football legend Shawne Merriman, warn her influence may create distractions or destabilize team dynamics.

An entire organization of men thrown off by one woman? Good for her.

A FEW WORDS FROM PORTNOY

Combing through capsules of Bill Belichick’s press conferences, I find no evidence of this man ever giving a fuck. Dead on the outside with Aries energy smoking just beneath his skin, Bill Belichick seems to have enjoyed earning a reputation as both an immovable object and an unstoppable force.

What consumes me isn’t just that this man is prone to infinite wins, but the way his fanbase of nodding heads have started to tilt, as if they can’t relate to a complicated man wanting complicated things. And no voice has been louder in the Bill Belichick-JordOn Hudson relationship than the Hot Girl Age Gap Enthusiast himself, Dave Portnoy.

Barstool Sports founder Dave Portnoy has been unusually vocal about Bill Belichick’s relationship with Hudson. Speaking on The Megyn Kelly Show, the Barstool Sports Presidente described the situation as “living in a bizarro world,” calling the scene “shocking” and “eye‑opening.” Portnoy, a long‑time Patriots fan and Nantucket neighbor, noted Hudson seems to “run the whole show,” comparing her role to a PR manager or business executive.

Portnoy spit his discomfort, saying he was “squirming” during Belichick’s awkward CBS Sunday Morning interview and admitted thinking Hudson might have written Belichick’s public defense statement, referring to it as “bonkers.” On the BFFs podcast, Portnoy confessed the pairing gives him “the ick,” speculating Hudson even “dominates him” behind closed doors.

Despite his hypocritical concerns, Portnoy and his inexplicable charm continues to avoids harsh criticism, mindful they share a Nantucket neighborhood. Portnoy’s remarks seem to be on behalf of a larger community of successful men, who are uneasy with how Hudson’s influence is reshaping Belichick’s traditionally private persona.

Dave Portnoy, the man behind Gen Z feminist success Call Her Daddy and all Barstool branding of hot chicks who love sports, is suddenly feeling shy and full of kink-shaming. Wrapping his gossip with an air of “I’m just looking out,” makes me wonder if Portnoy is speaking out on behalf of dudes all over Nantucket, and the internet.

HAPPY ENDINGS

If Belichick’s legacy teaches us anything, it’s that winning doesn’t always look like what we expect. Maybe this isn’t a downfall at all, maybe it’s the last great play of a coach who’s always rewritten the rules.

And besides, shouldn’t we give JordOn her crown while she can still wear it?